Wanna know the honest truth?

I’m tired.

Not the “I stayed up too late scrolling” kind of tired.
Not the “one busy week” kind of tired.

The bone-deep kind.

The kind where iced coffees aren’t even for enjoyment anymore — they’re just protein delivery systems. At least I don’t have to reheat them this way, right? ☕💪

Endless nights of calving mixed with Keaton’s broken sleep this last month… it’s catching up to me. My body feels it. My mind feels it. My soul feels it.

And yet, this morning, I sat down with my journal. No camera. No editing software. No upload schedule. Just pen, paper, and a reminder to actually breathe. 🌾

And I realized something…no

I haven’t even opened my computer in February.
Except maybe to move it from one side of the table to the other.

And in this moment?
I’m okay with that.

Because seasons change. 🌱
Growth doesn’t always look like productivity.
Sometimes growth looks like survival. Sometimes it looks like healing.

Blogging has never just been words on a screen for me.

It’s therapy.
It’s prayer.
It’s pages printed out and tucked into the devotional book I’m slowly, tenderly writing.

I thought I’d have more time to dedicate to that project by now. But the honest truth? Living through it while trying to write about it is heavier than I imagined.

Some days it’s hard to relive what we’re still walking through.

The honest truth is — I want to create. I miss sharing our farm life with you. I even upgraded my camera and mic system. 🎥✨

But right now, sharing feels heavy.

I don’t want these sacred moments — the hard ones, the holy ones — to get lost in the process of “vlogging.” I don’t want to miss them because I was too busy trying to capture them.

So if the camera is quiet right now…
It doesn’t mean we stopped.

We’re still here.
Keaton is still battling. 🤍
God is still moving.
The farm still runs.

We’re calving. We’re feeding. We’re showing up.

Yesterday, I even worked dirt less than a mile from the house. Two hours of something that felt almost… normal. Just me, the tractor, and the ground beneath it. 🌾🚜

Two hours of breathing.

And maybe that’s the honest truth too —

Normal looks different now.
But God is still in it.

The real honest truth comes from His Word. From the Bible. From a promise that doesn’t shift with diagnoses, exhaustion, or long nights in the barn.

📖 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” — Matthew 11:28

Not “figure it out.”
Not “be stronger.”
Not “try harder.”

Come to Me.

So that’s what I’m doing.

One blog entry at a time.
One prayer at a time.
One breath at a time.

If even one word, one post, one prayer makes a difference in someone else’s life — then this season of quiet creation is worth it.

The honest truth?

I’m tired.

But I’m still here.
And so is He. 🤍

⸻

🤍 A Short Prayer

Lord,
You see the exhaustion that no one else sees.
You know the weight we carry when the cameras are off and the lights are out.

Give us rest — not just in our bodies, but in our spirits.
Remind us that productivity is not our purpose.
Presence is.

Strengthen Keaton.
Strengthen this family.
Strengthen every weary soul reading this.

Help us to breathe.
To trust.
To surrender.

And to remember that You are working, even when we are tired.

Amen. 🤍