Life lately …. Has been hard. And trying. And mentally exhausting. Life lately has been battles I never thought possible. A mom’s worst nightmare – of praying you’d wake up & it really was an awful nightmare. But that’s not the way “cancer” works … it’s not just about waking up & sighing a breath knowing it was “all in your head”.

This morning for the first time in 287 Days since being diagnosed with a rare Progressive non-germinomatous germ cell tumor of the pineal gland consistent with embryonal carcinoma (NGGCT) – aka 1 a Million “Brain Tumor” … I breathed a sigh of relief. 47 days since his episode that landed him in PICU that changed our lives indefinitely — going from preparing for one course of action … to 29 Days of Proton Radation Therapy. The last few days of him walk into these appointments has been humbling & a strong reminder of just how far he’s come in a few weeks.

I’ve essentially ran on autopilot for months. As mom, you don’t get the chance to sit and rest. It’s a nonstop constant movement — from being a 24-7 constant caretaker to making sure your own farming business doesn’t suffer but also keeping house, and making sure that Jaes not fallen in the cracks in between appointments.

“I don’t know how you do it – you’re a saint – you’re so strong” … yall I DONT KNOW how to “not” do it. I’m strong because I have God leading me, I am no where near a saint. I’m a farm wife & mom who knows hard work … and somehow thrive best when I’m pushed to those limits … trusting in God to somehow make sure I survive. And knowing at the end of the day, Jason’s making sure everything else is done.

These last few weeks I’ve grown in my own faith, my own abilities … and today for the first time. We’re not traveling to an appointment at the crack of dawn – instead I’m making list for what’s “next”. As we start school next week, I take on a new roll. One I never wanted for myself. “Teacher Mom”. Adding another title to my already full plate … but this allows Keaton to continue to heal & rest for the next stage in beating this tumor.

I am thankful every day for the days that lead me here. Jason pushing me out of comfort zone – telling me all the hard things I can do … pushing me to believe in my own capabilities. And encouraging me to quit a job that didn’t suite me like I thought it would …

Me being a full time farmer, allowed me to be a full time mom & caregiver when Keaton needed me most. It’s allowed me to be home on sick days with the kids, take Jae places during the week – make doctors appointments, practices, school trips and so much more.