“Cold Fronts & Heavy Hearts”

Last week had me fooled.

T-shirt weather. Sunshine. A little glimpse of what’s coming. The kind of day that makes you believe you’ve made it through the worst of it.

And then Monday showed up.

Cold. Bitter. The kind that cuts through chore coats and settles deep in your bones. The kind that doesn’t just chill your hands—but your whole spirit.

Funny how fast things can change.

And maybe that’s not just the weather.

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I’m tired.

Not the kind of tired that a nap fixes. Not the “go to bed earlier tonight” kind. I’m talking about the deep, bone-weary kind of tired that comes from carrying too many roles at once.

Mom.
Caregiver.
Farmer.
Cattle OB.
Wife.
The one who keeps it all moving forward… whether there’s anything left in the tank or not.

And somewhere in the middle of all that… I’m supposed to keep up?

With the house.
With the farm.
With the kids.
With the expectations.
With the version of myself I used to be.

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Because I was raised on “chin up, buttercup.”

Put the smile on.
Bury the feelings.
Straighten your shoulders.
And plow on.

And for a long time… I did exactly that.

I got really good at it, actually.

But lately… I’m starting to realize that pushing through isn’t always the same thing as holding it together.

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I catch myself rethinking things more now.

Letting things slide that I would have held tight to before.

The sass from Jae that probably would’ve earned a quicker correction a few years ago… now met with a little more patience. Or maybe just a little more understanding.

Because she’s growing.

And so am I.

And truth be told… I didn’t always have the patience I wish I would’ve had back then.

So maybe this season is teaching me something different.

Not to loosen my standards…

…but to soften my grip.

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My body is sore.

Every muscle reminds me of the work. The lifting. The pulling. The long days and longer nights.

But at the same time… I’m stronger than I’ve ever been.

And I don’t just mean physically.

There’s a different kind of strength that comes from walking through hard things you never signed up for.

From showing up anyway.

From doing the next right thing… even when your heart is heavy and your mind is tired and your hands don’t want to pick up one more thing.

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Balancing mom-caregiver and farmer…

There’s no handbook for that.

One minute you’re checking calves.
The next you’re checking on your child.
One hand pulling a calf…
The other holding your family together.

And somehow you’re expected to do both well.

Some days… I don’t feel like I am.

Some days feel like survival mode dressed up as “doing your best.”

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But maybe that’s enough right now.

Maybe “keeping up” isn’t the goal.

Maybe showing up is.

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Because here’s what I’m learning in this cold front season…….

Life is going to shift just as fast as the weather.

Warm one day. Bitter the next.

And if I keep measuring myself by how well I can “hold it all together”…I’m going to miss the quiet strength it takes just to keep going.

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So today… I’m not plowing ahead with a fake smile.

I’m showing up honest.

A little tired.
A little sore.
A little stretched thin.

But still here.

Still trying.

Still rooted.

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And maybe that’s the kind of strength that actually matters.

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Closing Reflection

If you’re feeling the weight too today… you’re not alone.

You don’t have to have it all together to keep going.

Sometimes strength looks like slowing down.
Sometimes it looks like letting things slide.
Sometimes it looks like taking a deep breath in the cold air and saying—

“Alright Lord… just help me take the next step.”

⸻

Galatians 6:9
“Let us not grow weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”

Kw